aiming to make the transformation to a leadership structure that incorporated this approach. One example comes to mind that illustrates how professional intimacy can highlight the behavioral stumbling blocks that plague many people in the corporate environment — and how it can be instrumental in addressing and solving them. I met a senior leader who was quite proficient at their job but closed off from sharing openly about themselves with team members. This came to light in team-building work, ongoing senior leadership team (SLT) meetings and, subsequently, in meetings with tangential team members. Other members of the team also experienced a behavioral pulling back — or shutting down — from this leader. This was especially evident during emotionally intense work, such as assignments where significant financial stakes were in play. As a coach working with several SLT members, I noticed it and wondered why the leader operated this way, almost as if they were reveling in their introversion. I implored the CEO and other SLT members to ask this leader questions that would encourage opening up after demonstrating it was safe to do so. It was necessary to look below the surface of the behavior (pulling back) to gain an understanding of why they learned to operate this way, to uproot it and, ultimately, change it. The key that made this possible was leaning into this particular leader with the safe inquiry: “I noticed a pulling back when XYZ happened. Where does that originate?” Turns out, this leader’s mother was on food stamps and welfare when he was younger. He experienced shame and embarrassment from it and subconsciously vowed to do anything and everything to avert it in the future. Due to being poor, he was also bullied in middle school, so he viewed being authentically open about himself as a way that others could exploit what he considered to be a weakness and hurt him. This insight proved extremely valuable in helping this leader break down psychological walls and begin to feel more comfortable opening up to professional colleagues. Explaining the Unexplainable While getting to know your team members can make your business better, more profitable and more efficient, there are other, less tangible benefits that are still highly desirable. When you know what is important to team members and what motivates them on a personal level, it’s possible to illuminate previously unexplainable behaviors and either align with them or effect a transformation. It’s similar to knowing their core values but on an expanded basis. Two questions that often prove to be highly revealing are: • “What motivates this leader to come to work here specifically?” • “What are the most important things that create an environment which encourages growth?” While these questions are intended to elicit positive responses, certain questions that root out negative feelings are just as useful, such as: • “What are the things that will cause this leader to shut down, pull back or disengage — or even cause them to start looking to leave the company or pull back from the team?” • “What is the biggest challenge this leader experienced growing up that created how they show up at work?” To understand why these types of questions need to be asked and answered, remember that each team member is like the spoke of a wheel. If one spoke is loose, the wheel will stop rolling/performing well. There will be bumps that slow down collaboration and hinder the feeling of being secure enough to share their creativity because they fear not being accepted for who they really are. Consequently, they assume a “persona” that is all about work; however, the persona isn’t sustainable within a team that is aiming for high-level results or is pioneering new methodologies. When all team members feel safe enough to open up and show their true selves, they subconsciously realize they can count on each other, no matter what work situation the team encounters. They realize that their positions are stable as long as they stay authentically open and are willing to work on improving. Conversely, when no one bothers to look below the surface — enabling the pullback — the leader feels let down and subconsciously interprets this seeming indifference as proof that they are on shaky ground. Thus, a repeating cycle ensues until it’s interrupted. “4 Questions, 4 Minutes” One of the methods we use with senior leadership teams to elicit openness is a lifechanging exercise called “4 questions, 4 minutes.” It’s life-changing because each time we take a team through it, every leader claims it allowed them to learn things Stronger work relationships give birth to more meaningful discussions, more innovative solutions and better business outcomes. 11 Colorado Banker
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy MTg3NDExNQ==