In mortuary school, you learn how to embalm, how to suture, how to make arrangements and what kinds of caskets families can buy. No one teaches you how to take a baby from a mother and then to a funeral home. No one tells you what to say to a mother when you take her baby away from her for the last time. It’s a topic that most people are not comfortable discussing or (thankfully) don’t have much experience with to share. When I was an intern, I learned quickly that it doesn’t matter how experienced you are — it doesn’t get any easier and no one knows what the ‘right’ thing to say is. I was so nervous walking up to that hospital room. What would I say? How could I look this woman in the eyes knowing I had absolutely no idea what she was going through? Would she hate me for coming to take her baby from her? All of my questions and concerns dissipated quickly when I stepped into the room and saw her still rocking the baby. The baby was tiny and swaddled and the mother was calm. I nervously introduced myself and so did the mother. We were about the same age and my stomach dropped when I realized I’d have to take that baby directly out of her arms. I explained what would happen and asked her what time she wanted to come to make arrangements. She rocked the baby during the entire conversation. My boss back at the funeral home had sent me with a “baby carrying bag” that was used to bring infants back from hospitals and morgues. I was sick thinking about putting this woman’s baby into the bag but at the time, I didn’t have another option. Finally, after thoroughly explaining everything to the mother, it was time to take the baby into my care. I remember saying, “Your baby is safe with me” a few times to her and she handed me her child without me having to ask. I could barely keep my composure when I placed the baby into the carrying bag, but I zipped the bag up and went back to the funeral home to prepare for the arrangements. I met with the mother and father and made arrangements for a memorial service that turned out to be very beautiful. I planned for a dove release, and we had a sunny day to remember the baby on. I worked with a pastor to help write the service, and I made sure the family had everything they needed to grieve properly. The pastor and I did the service together, and we were able to release the doves on an overlook on the Huron River in southeastern Michigan before placing the baby’s urn in a niche. By Chelsea L. Cush, MS, Faculty, Licensed Funeral Director, & Embalmer Pittsburgh Institute of Mortuary Science How do you comfort a woman who lost someone that she never got to meet? There were no memories to reflect on. No belongings with a familiar smell, no favorite t-shirt, no words to live by. No weird stories that she’d heard at every Thanksgiving dinner since childhood. Just an empty nursery to return home to after what was probably the longest day of her life. TWO Little Words 10 | Directors Digest
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