the deceased. So, I recreated the approximate size of the infant using a couple of knotted-up hospital sheets and then positioned the sheets where the infant would be placed. This new position elevated the mother’s arm a bit, so I used a couple of weights to help the arm stay down and appear more natural for the new position I needed to create. By the next morning, the arm stayed in the position I needed without any further issues or treatment. Over the years, I have had families request a variety of ways to hold a visitation and funeral. In the example I am sharing with you, the family requested that the mother and infant be buried together in the same casket. However, I have had requests ranging from the infant being in an infant casket next to the parent, the infant casket being in a separate visitation room, holding an entirely separate visitation and funeral, and even one time where the florist incorporated a spot for the casket to sit and be incorporated into the casket spray of the parent. The families that we serve will have a wide range of ideas; some make sense, and others might be a little bizarre to us, but the key is to remain flexible and try to accommodate their wishes the best we can. Preparing the infant for viewing was straightforward. The family brought in an outfit along with a diaper and blanket. I used some Softouch Light Flesh for the base and Kalon Pigment Lip Color for the lips when applying cosmetics to the face. The mother, however, had a few issues to contend with. I wrapped the leg with an Ace Bandage and Webril to help keep the shape and plastic wrap to prevent any possible leakage. The eye had come down quite a bit and had bleached nicely. I had to build up the other eye a little to achieve some symmetry, but that was easy enough. The lacerations were dry, so I used Aron Alpha glue to close them the best I could, and with a small amount of wax, I could hide them well. My cosmetic application was mostly routine, and once we got her positioned in the casket, she looked peaceful. Our funeral home had a policy that whenever we were handling a case where the deceased was under the age of 55 years old, we would offer an opportunity for the family to come in the day before and view the body privately. The reasoning for this is really two-fold. First, a young person, no matter if it is the “case of the month” and they look exactly like their photo, will never look right in a casket. Our brain can’t compute or accept it very well. Young people aren’t supposed to be in caskets. So, by allowing the family to spend some time beforehand with the body, it gives them time to adjust. Secondly, it gives the family an opportunity to give feedback. If the coloring is a bit off or the mouth is not right, we have time to do something about it before the public visitation. Also, when dealing with infants, the family often wants to hold the child, and this private time allows for that to happen. The visitation and funeral went off without any hiccups, but there are a few things that I want to mention that you should be aware of when making arrangements based on your specific state and cemetery regulations. In Minnesota, a Fetal Death Report is used when an infant is not born alive (stillborn). If the infant was born alive, even if only for a moment or two, then a Birth and Death Certificate will need to be generated and filed. Your specific state might have a different process, so you should be familiar with what steps must be taken. Also, the cemetery may have rules pertaining to the situation of two bodies being in the same casket. Some cemeteries will require an additional interment fee or second rite of burial fee to allow the burial to take place as intended. Have clear communication with the cemetery of your intentions; they will price it out accordingly and ensure the final bill to the family is accurate. Another thing to consider is the marker or monument. Confirm with the cemetery that you won’t have any issues putting the infant’s name on the stone in the future. Asking these questions now can save a lot of headaches or costly changes in the future and possibly change a positive experience the family had with your firm into a negative one. Dealing with tragic situations like the death of a parent and child can be extremely difficult and mentally taxing for everyone involved, including you and your staff. Fortunately, these types of funerals are not common, so there are details and circumstances surrounding these cases that don’t happen regularly. Take some time and think through the process, and don’t leave anything to chance or guess. This will help you move forward. Ask questions, lots of questions and obtain the information you need to take the appropriate steps. We all have our reasons for why we chose this profession, but helping a family in the midst of a tragedy is one of the most compassionate things we can do as professionals and as humans. Lincoln is the Dodge representative for Minnesota and Eastern North Dakota. He is a licensed funeral director in Minnesota and regularly helps clients in the preparation room. Copyright: The Dodge Company This article has been reprinted with permission from the Dodge Magazine. 20 | Directors Digest
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