comforting thing you can do is simply sit with them and be a steady, compassionate presence. Say their loved one’s name, gently ask whether they want to talk and reassure them that you’re there. You might also suggest something familiar that you can do together, like going for a walk, when they feel up to it. Often, the hardest period for survivors is months after the death, when the shock wears off, and the weight of the loss sets in. This typically occurs just as the initial support from others begins to fade, which is why long‑term support is so important. Keep checking in, sharing memories and photos, and reaching out on meaningful dates like birthdays, anniversaries and the date of the loss. Eleven years ago, I learned just how important compassionate words and actions truly are. I learned it not only from friends and family, but also, very starkly, from the two funeral homes we dealt with after our son died by suicide at 19 years old. Dickens’ line, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,” has never felt more fitting than when I think back on those contrasting experiences. The first funeral home left us with some of the most painful memories of those early hours. They seemed shocked that we wanted to see our son, which made me think things were far worse than they actually were. Once they realized we were from another town and might not use their services, any kindness they may have had evaporated. Within 12 hours, they had thrown away our son’s sneakers, which we had hoped to keep, and casually told the person who reached out that they were gone. But then, thankfully, we also experienced the best of times in those darkest of hours. The second funeral home treated us with such care. They drove an hour to pick up our son so we could follow him home, sparing us from more confusion and distress. They were gentle, compassionate and always mindful of how fragile we were. They assured us that we absolutely could have a viewing with our son, something the first funeral home had made us believe was impossible. I share this in hopes that, whether you are an acquaintance, a friend or a funeral home, you will choose to be someone’s “best of times” when they are facing the very worst days of their lives. DIRECTORS DIGEST | 17
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy ODQxMjUw