The Beautiful Sound of Complaining By Mark Wardle, DO, FAAFP Let’s be honest: there is little – if any – beauty about complaining. Few things can turn us off from another person faster than hearing them complain. Unless, of course, it is something you agree with, then complaining can become addicting. Fellow complainers build off each other, validating each other’s point and adding fuel to the fire. And we don’t even realize how often we do it. Social media has become a huge magnet for complaining. Protected behind a screen, we call out everyone: from the neighbor to the waiter to the president. With the power of limited consequences, we write open letters, post rants, and pass judgments. And it spills over from e-life to real life, negatively affecting our mental health and wellness. Have we become a society of complainers? We seem to be able to find the wrong in anything. In a day of ponies and rainbows, it is all too easy to focus on the manure and the rain. We obtain information at the touch of a button and pick up dinner without getting out of the car, so it is easy to expect that we should always get what we want when we want it. Where once we had to leave a message on a home telephone and wait until the person we called returned home to check it, we now, after three minutes of an unanswered text, send repeated texts that say, “Hello?” But what if we could turn that around? What if the grating and depressing sounds of complaining could become beautiful? I am not suggesting we somehow learn to love complaining and hearing others complain like we sometimes learn to like certain foods, such as vegetables. Instead, I suggest that when we catch ourselves (or someone else) complaining, instead of continuing, stop, step back, and turn that complaint into gratitude. We can turn complaining into a positive trigger, a signal that prompts us to reflect on just how much we have and be grateful. The phone battery dies: What an amazing piece of technology we have in the palms of our hands. Stuck in traffic: Aren’t we lucky to own a car, to be able to listen to the radio while sitting here, not to mention how lucky we are that we have someplace to go like work, home to family, etc. The kids made a mess with their toys – we get the idea! It is a form of mindfulness: taking a moment, creating space between us and the situation, and intentionally choosing our response. Certainly, this is a practice worth incorporating into our lives. Mindfulness has been shown to improve our stress response and can have positive effects on our mental health. But that doesn’t make it easy. Triggers can help. Triggers can be powerful allies in creating all sorts of healthy habits. For example, brushing our teeth can trigger us to floss, shutting the car door triggers us to put on our safety belt, and commercials or ads can be triggers to stand up and stretch. So to make “complaining” a trigger for gratitude, we can say: when I want to complain, or I hear others complaining, I will think of one related thing for which I am grateful. Have you ever said, “I am so grateful I have so much stuff to complain about?” Seriously though! We have so many blessings, freedoms, and opportunities we take for granted. Many of our complaints, though not all, come because we are used to having it so good that our abundance and conveniences have become commonplace expectations. And even those things that are actual inequities and injustices, disasters and tragedies that rock our worlds both globally and personally, things we fight for and fight against, even those things could, with effort, become positive triggers. Although it may be hard, what if, instead of focusing on the negative, we used these opportunities to remind ourselves of just how great we have it, to focus us on the good we can do, the friend that supports us, or the progress we’ve made? Can we see the beauty in that? Just ponder the power that level of gratitude would bring into our lives. This will take effort, and intention, and even some self-compassion when we don’t quite get it right. But imagine the impact on our lives, on our mental health and personal wellness, and even the influence we might have on others, if we just took a moment, when hearing that sound of complaining, to take the inconvenience, the problem, the mess, and yes, even the tragedy, and let it remind us of all the wonders we have in our lives. Then bask in that gratitude. That would be a beautiful thing. Dr. Wardle is Assistant Professor of Primary Care Medicine, Director of Medical Spanish Elective, and CoDirector of Global Medicine Track at Rocky Vista University – Southern Utah Campus in Ivins, Utah. UtahAFP.org | 30
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